New Year 2012

assalamualaikum wbt.


da lama tak menulis...
exam habis tapi rajin tengok television je.
firstly, happy new year !!


walaubagaimanapun, aku xdelah rase new year mane pun...
biasa je, xde mende berubah.
cume teringat tahun2 lepas dan lepas dan lepas dan lepas...
rasa rindu yang amat pada banyak perkara...
perkara yang tak boleh diputar kembali.
dan untuk 2012, oleh kerana aku terlebih cop duit euro, aku mengambil keputusan untuk 'menyambut' new year di new york.
new york new year.
wow, sampai2 je flight aerlingus landing, Alhamdulillah.
sape sangke akhirnye dapat jejak kaki kat bumi Sarah Palin ni.
lagi tuhan nak bagi kesenangan, xde salji langsung.
tahun lepas aku dengar sampai ade blizzard and salji lebat gak la.
tahun ni alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan urusan aku.
ecece.


bandar NY memang lawa.
tapi dalam kekalutan minda aku tu, aku tak lupe ape yang negare ni buat kat negara2 islam cam afganistan tu seme.
rase kagum tengok kemajuan dan kepesatan bandar new york ade.
perasaan jijik terhadap kepimpinan bush pun ade.
tapi aku solely datang saje nak jejak kaki bukan tolong bom ke ape ke.
dan of course shopping. kot.
erm... bagi untung kat us, bersalah plak kan.

leceh sebenarnye nak datang usa nih.
nak jejak kaki ke us ni memang ade dalam minda aku.
tapi macam biase la, bile ade orang ignite, makin membara.
dalam kes ni, termena-mena sebab timothy ceasar la.
kalut kalut kalut last2 plan la trip tu spontaneously.
sebab tiket murah pulak kan mase tu...

visa us.
wow wow wow.
the leceh-est thing to apply ever.
banyak giler songeh pekerja2 Barack Obama ni.
1st, kene kol buat appointment.
aku dapat sminggu lepas kol, 1 hari sebelum start exam haemato.
sape tak tensen.
dahla tu, bile pegi ade masalah. die bagi balik passport aku and letak aku dalam waiting list.
si timothy xde masalah pulak.
lepas 3 hari tim dapat visa die.
aku terkapai2 lagi.
lepas 2 minggu tu, aku dah putus asa.
macam xde rezeki je.
siap aku check lagi tiket murah ke destinasi europe lain.
dan sebab tu aku ngan tim x bincang pape pun.
never plan anything.
x lame lepas tu, aku check tenet and ade arahan untuk postkan passport aku ke embassy, so aku post je la. tapi lepas 5 hari x dapat, aku putus asa balik.
haha.
sedar2 3 hari sebelum tarikh flight, embassy us kol aku suruh ambik passport and visa. diorang cam tau aku nak fly to us secepat mungkin.
ALHAMDULILLAH giler..
jadilah aku planning 2 hari sebelum pergi us.
baru tengok mane nak pergi.
and sebab kitorang decide nak pergi florida jugak everything jadi so costly.
sumpah giler mahal.
sebab last minute seme.
ok tamat pasal visa and planning.

aku baru balik dari city new york.
ingat nak g times square tengok sambutan diorang.
tapi sepanjang jalan polis sekat xleh masuk.
lautan manusie ni mashaAllah serius macam pasir kat pantai.
sesak nafas aku dibuatnya.
so kitorang balik rumah kawan tim dalam kul 10 malam dan sambut kat rumah je.
minum air teh tengok tv.


mood new year aku agak terganggu lepas bukak facebook.
kenape ade sad news.
1stly innalillah buat bapa naim arshavin...
semoga roh dicucuri rahmat dan diletakkan di kalangan orang beriman inshaAllah..
x dapat bayangkan arwah ayah die melawan sakit barah yang dihidapi...
mintak aku dan keluarga serta rakan2 sentiasa sihat ya Allah.
2ndly, aku tengok berita rakan aku, muhammad safwan anang terlantar kat hospital.
mashaAllah...
akibat dipukul pasukan FRU dalam demo UPSI.
rakan sekolah sekelas 2 prihatin 2003 dan 3 prihatin 2004. smkss.
dulu pernah jugak die terlibat kemalangan, aku pernah melawat die d hospital.
dan tadi aku google la tengok gambar die, parut eksiden lame die masih ade...
jelas kelihatan di bawah mata die, same sperti mase aku melawat die eksiden dulu.
semoge die sembuh sihat walafiat amin ya Allah.



back to new york.
tak banyak sangat nak tulis.
cume sangat excited sebab dah berada kat new york.
resolusi tahun baru?
aku x letak ape2.
cume aku nak lebih strong.
haha.
less attachment to people.
and less expectation.
dan aku perlu lebih rajin dan kurangkan malas-malas.

selamat tahun baru 2012. ikut kalendar omputih.

p/s : jalan2 city new york malam tadi kan, aku rase best tapi lepas tu tak best sangat sebab aku teringat kat 2 orang ni... 2 orang yang setia menjadi travelmate aku sentiasa dari first year. actually sangat berharap 2 orang ni ade kat new york ni sekarang sebab travel2 ni kurang kick la bile diorang xde. #true story. rindu diorang sekarang.


p/s/s : rindu housemates jugak. i wish aku ade kat dublin buat havoc ngan diorang pastu masakkan untuk diorang. waaaaaa.


10 minutes before 12 new year in new york, usa.
im sitting on the sofa ready to sleep.

i dun give a damn to this new year thingy.

bye, sekian.


x lupe juge, semoge tahun baru ini membawa lebih sinar kebahagiaan kepada semua orang. moga lebih baik dari tahun2 sebelumnya.

.

Happy Exam !!

salam


guess its not too late to wish everyone the very best in exams.
good luck.
study bebaik dan sabar2.
jangan tensen dengan orang lain, dengan group pmc (kidding).
jangan tensen dengan diri sendiri.
memang ni lah satu saat yang sangat2 vulnerable buat semua orang.
inshaAllah He'll be by your side to guide you.
and you and i always know that.





= )
i cant wait for 21st of january
i cant wait for 3rd of february.


sometimes people want to be understood.
just to be understood and not judged.
sometimes people just want to know that there's someone willing to catch them whenever they fall hard, so hard.
just to catch and ready to bounce them back.
sometimes people just want someone to listen to them.
just to listen and not say a word.


i guess im always going to play the guardian angel part.








He's always there.
im titanium.
im bulletproof.
i have nothing to lose.
not anymore.


and everything will be a mere memory this friday the 16th.
wakakaka.


=)
=)
=)

Happy Time

i guess i couldnt say enough of this.

- i love my housemates -

.... of course as housemates.




sincerely.
i'll miss every moment we've spent...
this new house this kampung kambing house has made our bonds grow stronger.

they are the best.
i couldn ask for more.
blessings from God.

i count the days down, this is the only time we're free from real-life responsibilities.
in 5 years, everyone will get married.
everyone will have a job.
'stuck' with the same person for the rest of the life.
tied by 'i do'.
stuck with the same routine everyday.
so i figure this is the time to really hang out.
before i get too old.


i'll miss the laughters we have every night.
every night during exam.
every night during study leave.
of the arguments in the kitchen.
of making fun of others.
when cooking.
when watching the tv.
when eating.
when scolding.
when studying.
when everything.

and we make pranks to each other almost every night
during the week before exam.
and i remember.

and we would laugh our heart out at 3 and 4 in the morning.




through thick and thin and everything in between.
these are the things that i'll be reminiscing
someday, sipping a cup of coffee by the verandah
looking out to the sky.

and smile.
"**** yeah i miss those moments"


and it seems that exam really get us closer.
thanks mates.

and thank you Lord.
thank you for the tears.
tears of joy.

Terma Tengah

firstly, i would like to cordially open my entry with a warm Alhamdulillah.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

a simple word to conclude the agonizing weeks of mid term assessment.
now those weeks are over.

im satisfied with my result.
not stating that i pass with flying colours because its not that great compared to full-course students but for my own level, i nail it.

i could say this is the best mid term so far...
excluding those from high schools where As and Bs are viewed with one eye closed (pandang sebelah mata je).
haematology is my fear factor and as expected, the result is not that great but i assure myself that C+ is a very forgiving vowel to have in Blackboard. my effort - not that tremendous so that's what i get.
respiratory is quite unexpected as everyone says it is easy last time but i couldnt demand more than what i really deserve if again the effort is the benchmark.


im pretty sure i would get a very excellent, bombastic, over-the-top result if cooking and cleaning the kitchen and washing the pans are reckoned as extra mark for all 5 modules.
i cook for khalil almost everyday during exam time
- when everyone else refuses to cook.
i re re re re peat peat peat when everyone else doesnt cook, busy burying their faces in stacks of notes - as if im not taking the exact same exam just like them. hehe, (not pointing my index finger to anyone.)
- when everyone else is so lazy to appreciate a clean, breadcrumb-free kitchen.
as much as i do.
how do you explain those 2 mice i caught, lured with my delicious cheddar cheese, few days before endocrine and cns papers. how? tell me how? where do they come from??? curry land?

and cns is my second fear factor.
alhamdulillah i do well.

summarizing the 'my grades' section, 2A 1B 2C although is not enough for a UPSR candidate to enter a boarding school, but is comforting enough for me.
Alhamdulillah im happy.
i got to say that this is the best mid term result ever.
merely because no Ds are seen.
smiley face.
Alhamdulillah again.
im not bragging, it is never my intention, but almost every mid term before this, thats the dominating alphabet besides Cs. i have hardly managed to get an A in any mid term exam apetah lagi final exam.

God always helps me with every exam i go through.
i dont study like crazy at all.
im a last-minute dealer.
i always procrastinate.
and still i manage to survive until the 3rd year as a medical student.
some people work really hard but it isnt being reflected on that damn slip.
God is testing them.
God is testing me.
maybe this is His way of telling me not to give up this path easily.
medicine is wonderful.
ecece.

and as for me yang tak sedar diri nih.
He always helps me.
He is always there.
and i cant say enough of this.
all praises go to Him.

i deserve this kind of refreshment before i go back to penang.
this is how God makes me happy eventhough an evil, wicked friend gave me 3 metals and a bone graft to wear around my fat neck as a souvenir from the aboriginal land. i mean its very tiring to bend my neck every time im reading.
i wish i could kindly transfer those screws and implants to him this week as i need my utmost superpower and energy to bring down my final exams to dust.

bile tengok-tengok balik, banyak mendenye nak kene study and cover in 3 weeks...
but i already promise myself to study seriously after respi result is out.

but the first obstacle already comes in my way.
the clinical skills module exam is on next week.
28th until 30th of november.
and like applying tesco table salt to a big pimple on jennifer lopez's nose, i happen to be the event coordinator for Charity Week wrapped-up affair on the 2nd of december, exactly a week before my 1st fear factor comes knocking on the door of reality, propelling me into days of sleep-deficient night.
eh, krisis identiti betulla...


28, 29, 30 Nov - Clinical skills.
10 Dec - Haematology.
13 Dec - CNS.
14 Dec - Endocrine.
15 Dec - Respiratory
16 Dec - GIT/Liver

what a marvellous and brilliantly-planned schedule.
tip top lah bak kate Bijal Shah.

kepale. hotak. die.
kalau aku dapat ucd timetable coordinator nih, aku bagi die telan benzodiazepine, aku lapah2 peha die buat daging salai untuk jiran sebelah kiri rumah aku yang marah syafiq gantung bendera malaysia hari tu.

hiashhhh.
ok.

********

knock knock.
dah banyak ke revise guys and girls???
pecutlah sepecut-pecutnya.
masa masih ada.
x perlu start tensen tak tentu pasal.
its the effort that matters (a part of the learning process besides the basal ganglia activities) to God anyway and the rest, leave it to him.

pastu mari kita haramkan soalan "da banyak bace?" atau "da banyak stdy?" sebab jawapan clichenye same dalam minda semua orang, kalau aku tanya korang soklan ni, jawapan korang gerenti same dengan jawapan yang aku akan bagi.

"banyak lagi tak bace"
"bace pun tak ingat"
"alah kalau aku macam si polan takpela bace sekali terus ingat"
"alah bace yang lepas2 sekarang pun da lupe"

everyone wants to demean themselves and be humble.

ask a medical question if you want to know exactly how your friend has progressed.
instead of "da banyak study?", try asking "eh, lupe ah, ape beza Tuberculosis ngan Sarcoidosis ek?".

surprise. surprise. surprise.
ok maybe everyone can answer the obvious one.

this is the act of self-comforting, to know that everyone else is in the same shoes too, you would not want to expect "ha'a da banyak stdy" because it will make you melalak cam banshee as soon as the words bang on the eardrums.

lets work hard together towards it.

right...

selamat study !
study dengan niat yang betul, all for him.
moga dipermudahkan mengingat dan dipermudahkan di kala exam nanti.
amin.


this is just the beginning.
inshaAllah we all will pass with super duper flying colours.
aku cop kaler merah.


*****************
The Fray - Heartbeat.

Rumah Bersih, Keluarga Sihat.

salam.

im browsing through the drafts.
and i found this from those bunch.
and i think i should just release this entry.

this was written exactly 7 days before i had that accident.
the accident that changed some parts of me.
physically.

so i just leave it as it is with no editing.


- 8 JULAI 2011, PERTH, AUSTRALIA.


#####################################################






WARNING : this post might be sedikit emo towards the end.

assalamualaikum wbt.

tanggal 9hb julai menandakan hari Bersih.
bukanlah bersihkan hati dari gejala kotor ke, bersihkan rumah ke, tapi gerakan membersihkan bandar Kuala Lumpur!!! finally, ade jugak rakyat Malaysia yang ingin merasakan lelah, penat jerih cleaner2 di KL setiap hari mengutip sampah di sekitar jalan di KL dan membersih jamban2 setiap celah KL yang memang aku sebagai rakyat terengganu tahu berbau busuk kohong, hancing perit.


bagus akhirnye rakyat malaysia ade kesedaran untuk menjaga kebersihan negara sendiri.
syukur Alhamdulillah. satu lagi langkah ke arah masyarakat bertamadun.






tapi sebenarnye tafsiran aku salah.
LAUGH OUT LOUD. LOLOLOL.
aku tersalah anggap perkataan bersih.







jadi sebenarnye Bersih 2.0 pada 9hb julai 2011 bukanlah gotong royong membersihkan bandar yang kotor sampah merata2 tapi sebenarnye adelah sebuah kawat kaki melalak. cis. aku tengok amazing race hari tu, ade datang penang then ke singapore, diorang puji giler "singapore is the cleanest city i've ever seen", langsung x puji malaysia. cis cis cis.


ok.
mari kita masuk ke bahagian politiknye. walaupun bersih 2.0 ni declare diorang adelah stand-alone event ape jadah tanpa ade political punye sebab, aku x percaya, aku bukan bangang, aku dah 21 tahun tengok politik malaysia, at least aku tak bahalul sangat walaupun aku x pandai politik.


firstly, aku lihat diri aku sebagai seorang neutral.
aku bukanlah pro kerajaan atau pro pembangkang buat masa ini.
so aku akan bercakap wholly pasal event bersih ini tanpa ade sentuhan magika politik.
faham tak. takut jugak ntah spy mane bace ni report kat menteri pendidikan ke atau sape2 la berkolar putih atas sane, menangis bapak aku tak dapat tengok aku grad jadi doktor pakar bius gaji rm70000 sebulan.


ok secara seriusnye, aku menyampah giler tengok post2 budak malaysia pasal bersih, yang pro-bersih lah... cakap mak ai kalah orang yang sendiri berpolitik, lebih2 macam diorang lak yang bayar gaji mak bapak aku skali ngan datuk nenek suzy fitzgerald. tengok kang aku dah emo, aku cakap at the end je warning nak emo. nyampah giler sebab takde pulak post pasal anti-bersih melambak2 kat news feed. ade pun minggu lepas tengok and bace pasal pandangan ustaz yang orang tue post. post pasal pro-bersih ni aku menyampah sebab lagi banyak dari jumlah check-in yang aku buat kat facebook banyak-banyak 2,3 hari lepas.

cool down.

here's the deal.
weh budak2 tajaan MARA/JPA yang mulut kalah kucing betina mengawan tengah2 malam, memang tak salah untuk bersuara dan mengeluarkan pendapat, tapi ade batas2nye. bile aku menyampah maknenye kau dah melepasi batas yang aku reka dalam otak aku la tu. aku la, bukan orang lain lagipun ni blog aku.






############################################################







quite emo i guess...
im not taking side with any political statement.
i am sometimes sick of how politics is manipulated.
we just have HIMPUN few weeks ago.
i dont want to comment anything.

the one more thing i was thinking about when i first draft this entry was about the police.
how many of our friends have police in their family???
a father, a mother, a brother, a husband, a son.
those police was someone else's someone.

i was actually pissed off at that time at how people would say badly about the police, i mean yeah, you just see the bad side and you forget about the great side which was unsung in the public.

nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga.

police are not superman.
they are not angels.
humiliating them in facebook doesnt make these haters better in anyway.

and this reminds me of this : manusia ni kan, satu silap je buat, selama2nya ingat bertempek dalam kepala hotak. 99 lagi kebaikan yang orang buat seolah-olah luntur dengan satu kesilapan itu.

i always remember this when i get angry with someone, when i feel left out, when im mad.
i try to appreciate everything. i really try. but sometimes i fail because im yet a mature, strong adult. but i learn. i want to be a better person, with better perspectives, better reasoning.

ok.
just that...
without these police sacrificing their time protecting the people, jeopardising their own safety for us, for the country, i dont think anywhere would be a safer place to live.


so here goes






THANK YOU POLICE.





.

p/s : kesian polis kene tinggal anak bini seme kat umah mase hujung minggu dulu semata-mata tak nak rusuhan bertukar jadi keganasan. quality time dengan family terkorban. my another concern. they are just doing their jobs and who are we to judge only based on what we see and what we would like to assume?

p/s : actually last time i write this, when i see the title for this post i want to write about cleansing ourselves first. sebok2 nak bersih himpun, diri sniri, yang kat dalam ni macam mana... da kukuh sangat ke. bersih halaman rumah pun malas, cuci pinggan pun malas, dengan mak pun nak derhaka, datang kerje pun lambat, semayang pun tak betul, baik pi masuk tandas korek hidung je la. at least bersih skit hidung elak TB. banyak lagi mende yang perlu kita mulakan dengan diri kita.

bersihkan diri sendiri dulu sebelum sibuk mencari kesalahan orang lain.



*********************

abot - kasih mu. (i recommend the lyrics)

Faces. People. Acceptance.

Wednesday, 16th of november 2011.
- this would be another long post.


i woke up quite late in the morning at around 11 something...
so i just missed one lecture at 10 and figured that i might catch up with the last lecture at 12.
hope was so sweet but reality kept me under the cosy duvet, in front of the laptop, feeling hopeless and sad and moody and every sort of doomful feelings the world had to offer, or rather people had to offer.

"it was another gloomy day for me"

it happened suddenly and that was where the shoe pinches.

so no class, no ucd or watsoever for today.
i got up, tidied my sleeping space, brushed my teeth, shaved the face, had a shower, sang a sad song under the warm pouring water. shampoo bottle almost empty and the floor mat - wet as usual.


i made my breakfast - which was quite unusual for the usual me.
cleaned the kitchen, rearranged the cutlery, washed the plates in the sink and made a quick plan for the day which of course would exclude a visit to Health Science Building.


the sky was looking down at me with the tiniest hint of the whereabout of the sun.
the clouds were not being friendly today, some sprays of water though not heavy which spared me the trouble and unwillingness to wear some sort of raincoats - not fashionable.


i wore my pair of waterproof shoes and headed off to the bus stop.
with the wind blowing softly, i put on my earphones - the one thing that defined me.
i walked very slowly, VERY slowly that i swore a snail would be proud of his species.
i sang the song quite loudly, the expression on the face in tandem with the lyrics. i was so good at memorizing this kind of things.
and there was a woman passing by me.
her voice was very loud and i could tell from her weird accent that she was not a local.
her curly hair was messy and her steps were wide.


i arrived at the bus stop about 10 minutes later.
the seat there was quite wet, spills of water all over.
i rest my butts on the middle part - the driest.


a young man in his early 20s came.
for 2 seconds, we shared a glance.
i usually didnt like to see a stranger's face in the eyes because that would make me feel awkward.
this teen man was quite pretty - very handsome face structure with a pair of striking blue eyes and a blonde hair, wearing his raincoats.
i didnt smile to him.
he took the spot right beside me, where it was quite wet.
i thought he didnt see that and only a matter of seconds would he realize his pants became wet - and still acted macho like it was all dry and that he was a steelman.
if i were a girl, i would start a conversation with him.
in case he was single and still available.

there was always something that we called chance.

he made a phone call and for one second i thought he said 'assalamualaikum' through the line but i was not sure, blurred by the heavy bass thumping in my earphones.


minutes later a young girl came.
she wiped off the seat on my left and and let her senses drowned in the headphones she wore. white - nice headphones.
the bus came after a moment, i took the most front seat - the seats where if an old lady happened to also be on board, then the seats would be a no-no for young healthy person like me.


the journey to the city was like hours.
felt gloomy because of the coldness.
and motion sickness added to the headache.


at one stop, it took quite a long time.
people already went in and out of the bus.
several minutes later, i got my explanation.
right before my very eyes, i saw a woman just got out of the bus.
she was no different from any other ordinary women out there.
curly hair, tall stature, bright skin - just ordinary.


she took a seat at the bust stop, covering her from the light rain.
she stared blankly at the bus.

by blank, i really meant blank.

the one thing that made her special (rather than saying different) was that she had a stick. a long stick made from steel. she held it tightly in her right palm.
she was blind.

her face was expressionless.
i looked at her from the window.
i couldnt tell what she was thinking.
or what she was feeling.
and my eyes became red.
and wet.





a couple of minutes later, as i expected, and old lady came in.
she made steps to the seat next to me which was empty.
she really did make her steps.
she was so slow, the snails would even pray for her i guessed.
one thing that amazed me was, she could still have that desire and want to move around and do her own groceries, she was very old i assured.


i made my last stop in front of pizza hut.
i went to the milkshake bar to talk with the manager but he wasnt there.
and the sexy bar waitress was not that helpful.
so here was another burden to be delayed after delays.
i needed to see the manager to discuss about my fosis event.
and i was sick of things not favouring my prospectus.


so i took bus 54a to South Circular Road.
i needed my hair gone, well not all, just to be cut short.
long messy hair was always a discomfort.


and there i was in front of the barber shop, 5euro i considered really really cheap and i didnt care where the barber was from - curry land, pig land, pinoy land, bull land, dole land i dont mind as long as my hair was chopped off.
the thing was - the shop was small and crowded.
5, 6 people waiting in queue.
not really disappointed though.
i was quite emotionless on that day.
i hadnt prayed asr.


i walked to the nearest mosque - Blackpitt Mosque.
and old lady, another old lady, walked her way from the opposite of me.
she was wearing purple sweater and her hands were shaking.
she was in her 70s i guessed.
this one was extremely slow and she had to use that wheeled supporter to go about.
and when i was just about to pass her, she stopped and moved inches to the right, leaving me a wider space, well, to pass her.
what i thought was she was intimidated due to the fact that i was an asian.


the door was locked.
weird mosque.
surprisingly, this didnt piss me off a bit.
it was still early so i figured i might pray in the city centre.

i walked again towards the bus stop, passing by the same old lady.
yay.
i took bus 122 to the heart of Dublin city.

i arrived just in time.
10 feet in front of me was the protest march against the institution fees the Irish government intended to implement.
it was in peace, no violence.
it was joyful to watch.

i honestly didnt know what this all fuss was about but i figured it was for the greater good?
greater good. haha.
but i found it soothing watching the crowds amassing for the rally.
i would surely join in if my friends were there and asked me to.


"i needed to cut my hair by hook or by crook"
so off i went to o'connell street through the heavy crowd.
it was very noisy with that sea of people.

there was one cheap barber shop on the street where i would leisurely label Asian-African Street, because the shops there were dominated by no other than those two races.
i was not being racist.
that street where you could find cheap vegetables and fruits with one condition - you are strictly forbidden from touching all those heavenly paradise-descended products, fresh from farms.
you were only allowed to point out which ones you wanted.


there was only one customer in the barber shop.
and there was a woman sitting on the couch inside.
maybe his close acquantaince, crossing her legs there for some chit-chatting.
another curly-haired woman.
maybe it was a trend today that was overlooked by certain people in UCD.


the old guy - the barber - was in his 50s i thought.
with the greasy grey hair, smiled at my presence.
"another 5euro" he must have thought.
he was quite plump and from his face i could easily tell he might be a Polander, if not a Russian.
and this was my second time there.
merely because it was cheap.


it took only 10 minutes for him to give me that brand new look, soldier style cut as what khalil screamed to me when i first got home.
and that old guy didnt even asked me whether i was satisfied or not.
but i guessed for 5euro, i was not in the right position to complain.
this was not Toni and Guy or Peter Mark to begin with.
although i was not satisfied.
i was just not in the mood to speak out.


i prayed asr in the prayer room provided by Asian Food Co.
everything had been renovated to near perfection.
new carpet, new mat, less smelly than ever before.
odourless and tranquil, more welcoming than ever before.
the Pakistani guy invited me for jemaah prayer, so i just joined in.
he prayed fast.
like really fast i couldnt catch up with the reciting.
at all parts of the prayer.

at the counter, there was this Irish guy talking to the shopkeeper.
the guy was in his early 20s.
quite a charming young man.
i was all ears for the conversation as i was on the queue - not that i was interested in what they were talking.
that guy was jotting down something on a piece of a paper given by the Pakistani shopkeeper.
what might seem - his address.
co dundalk or so i remembered.
he was looking for some kind of herbs or spices or things that obviously he couldnt find in tesco for his girlfriend.
he said that his girlfriend really loved it.
an Indian girlfriend.
beated my mind, i was so interested in having a look at their cross-raced babies, must be beautiful and authentic - not a racist comment, just curious.
and looking from a different perspective, it was very pleasing, i mean the relationship which denied every norm of the society - e.g that a malay will only marry another malay.

for the love that stayed strong.

i paid for my items and he was still there.
discussing about the delivery maybe.


it was already 4 in the evening.
almost dark.
and the wheather was still egoistic, being sulky on my first visit to town after weeks of burying my face in piles of lecture notes - no books.
cuaca gedik.


i met up with timothy ceasar ampi to do one last thing that we should have done ages ago - taking photos as part of the requirement for applying visa.
the whole process of obtaining the visa was very floppy and unpleasant.
very troublesome if i could summarize.
but yeah.

for the love of a traveller.

it was 6 euro for 4 photos.
very expensive.


i wanted to call it a day.
i went to the bus stop in front of Trinity College and looked up at the bus information 'pole'.
another 15 minutes.
i bid goodbye to tim and increased the volume of my earphones.
i swore my eardrum wont last long.


the rally from before had just dismissed.
people were heading back to Spire.
still shouting the slogans from before.
all those piercing cries.


my beloved bus 11 arrived.
i was in the queue.
in front of me was a young Irish lady.
blonde hair.
with her polka-dot umbrella.
she hopped in the bus.
splashed her umbrella outside, which hit me.
but didnt really bug me - my sweater was already wet.
and closed her umbrella.


i once again chose the front seats.
i was very reluctant to go upstairs nowadays.
for unknown reasons, i just loved to stay on the lower floor.


it was already dark.
and i felt really sleepy.
the journey home once again felt long.
the view was no more enjoyable than having the thought of upcoming final exams.


just right before Clonskeagh Mosque, the bus stopped.
the engine still running.
i was not sure what was happening.
the driver was shouting something.
i couldnt hear anything.
so i lowered my earphones volume.


silence.


not that i expected the driver to re-announce what he just said.
so i kept quite, turned off the music from my ipod.
a few people got out of the bus.
as for me, not sure what my next action would be, sit there like a puppet.
there was still a few people inside the bus.


i was not sure.
what happened?
all of them gazing their eyes to the back of the bus.
were they expecting something to come?
so i rose on my feet and stood next to a middle-aged woman in the bus.
she was quiet too.
with over-dabbed red-coloured lipstick on her lips.
and her hair was all messy.
not putting on a friendly face.
i really wanted to ask her what just happened but i was really not in the mood to talk especially to an Irish.
so i just stood there waiting.



waiting.



waiting.



and i thought i had had enough.
i decided to walk home.
10 minutes ++ had passed.
and i still didnt know what happened.
the bus obviously not broken down, the engine was fine.


it was cold outside.
but not the coldest night i had ever experinced.
i kept walking to the mosque.
and across the road, a young man in his early 20s pushing his might against the inclining hilly road, looked at me. he was on his bike.
with his kopiah or snow-cap covering his messy hair.
the body build of typical teenagers - malay teenagers.
he carried something which i guessed was a plastic bag full of chicken legs - for his lunchbox.
i thought pok was smiling at me, shouting something - i was not sure.
i drowned my ears with loud music as to render myself inaudible.
as far as i remembered, i gave him an expressionless look as a gentle reply.
i didnt smile.
i didnt say anything.
face it, i was not in the mood for anything or anyone.
but pok was always the same young boy i used to know from my college years. i rarely saw him being stressful or anything like that. he was the one who most of the times kept everything to himself. i would say i had never seen him being sorrow.
and i would always wonder what the future would look like.
did he have any expectations.
would he still be someone i could call a friend 10years from now.




i went straight to the praying hall, perform my wudhu' then maghrib prayer.
some kids were running, laughing - their parents werent there.


with the last words from my dua, i wiped my face and took my belongings and made my way to the butcher downstairs.
i was full of hope that there might be some more udhiyyah or qurban meat left.
his grin was as cheerful as always.

"sorry brother, there is one more left but it belongs to another brother maybe you can come again tomorrow and see if the owner wants to give away some of his"

the butcher, in his late 20s, i thought was someone from Arab country.
he was the same guy who gave me 3kg worth of qurban meat last week.
a handsome man, i thought if he went into the entertainment industry, might find a good spot and who knows he might get a career lasting for 10 years with good income.
so much for a dream.


i made my way out of the shop and the guy, maybe feeling guilty, shouted that he was again sorry and asked me to come again tomorrow. haha, like in a million years i would come. and he said assalamualaikum.
i replied and gave him a single wave of goodbye.

i appreciated his guiltiness.


as i walked up the stairs, i saw another figure.
not really tall, thin with his hoodies covering almost all of his head.
his hoodies was quite big, his hands in his pocket hiding them from the coldness of the autumn air.
i stared at his face under the hoodies.
his slanted eyes stared back at mine.
i didnt smile
and again i didnt say anything.
i just stared blankly.
and after a while i thought he said something from his moving lips.
i couldnt hear anything.
i thought that nowadays we barely speak to each other.
even if we bumped into one another, i was sure that we were not sure if there really was a topic to talk about.
teasing others as a hobby, a'la was still the same person i first knew in the final semester in intec. we never spoke before. and the reason we became friends was because we were in the same Biology class, we were neighbours in Cemara and i got into trouble with my housemate last time so i ran into his house and there were like 4 people protecting me from my own housemate incuding him and pok.

he was a football-addict and had all the potential to become a doctor.
i remembered one thing that he and my father had - that bubbly cheerful attitude but then they might easily loose the fuse if things became too overwhelming.
maybe that was why sometimes i was afraid.
not to mention i had another close friend whose fuse was as short as a midget.
my fuse was just as short but i didnt burst that out loud.
so i thought.
haha.


then 20 minutes later i arrived home.
home sweet home.
i was just too tired.
i went into khalil's room and fell myself onto the floor.
just laid down there.
listened to khalil's music.
sang along.

and thought that and this...
tomorrow would always be a brand new one.





.........






on my journey,
i meet so many people.
different skin colours,
different tastes.

some are not as lucky as me.
i still have both of my parents, alive.
some are not as fortunate as me.
i still have all my 5 senses intact.
my hearing, my sight are all blessings.
Alhamdulillah.

i meet so many people.
all different in their own unique way.
different personalities.
different ideas and perspectives.
different approaches.
different likings.

just like us being different to them.



to what leads us to the term acceptance.












...........


Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne.

The Thursday

its been a while since i last had fun.
by fun i mean going out to a place where i almost forget that im a medical student.
enjoying the exam-less life.

and i really had fun today.
jalan2 dalam pasaraya besar dundrum.
went there at 7.
with nothing much to expect really.

ika's gojes gang asked me out for a date on the ice ring.
they were up for skating but what i really intended to do from the start was to watch them fall over and glued to the ice. haha. post that on facebook and surely they would have their instant hall of fame shame for the rest of their life. ok jk.
i never tried iceskating before although sunway was just like 20km away from intec.
but i know how to roller-skate.
ah, those good old days,
when every one in my family got a pair of those shoes.

right after that we went for 'dinner'..
a salmon cake.
the best part was...

SOMEBODY FOOT THE BILL FOR ME !!!
yippppeeeeeeee.
thanks makcik gojes.

and the sale started at 9 and lasted 3 hours until midnight.
what pissed me off the most was the fact that i just bought a new pair of earphones last week and that passion and addiction to music costed me around 100++. its BOSE, better than sennheiser as claimed by ali mamak. the funny fact, i bought that statement, the next day i went to dundrum and the bose earphone was mine.
if waited a week until today, i could get a 10% off the price.
pasaraya besar dundrum was having sale, almost every store in the mall !!!
like crazy.
nak pulak sale time2 ni kan.
oh and i remembered i really really really fell in love with bose headphones and wireless speakers, they are like the god of sound, for music-addict like me, i really appreciate every little detail that the sound has to offer.
but the price...

go die.

and yes i shopped.
i spent 66euro for a sweater and a jacket.
i fell for the trick.
it was 50% discount in GAP store.
the original price was 140euro for my 2 items.
of coz la i go crazy kan, dahla x slalu shopping.
and that was it.

just keep the girls company.
like what i always did with my mom.
i mean, i have that patience.
the patience a man has to have when their spouse goes shopping.
u get what i mean.


it was a night to be remembered.
for me.
coz i really enjoy the worry-less time in the mall.
it was so freaking peaceful... i cant find better words to describe.

im hoping for this kind of moment right after i finish my winter exam.
yosh!


.
i dont know why i wrote this post. weird.